i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
