My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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