The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
