We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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