wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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