At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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