HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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