He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
