based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
