so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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