Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
