I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My liver just had a heart attack.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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