I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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