Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
