Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
