Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
