I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
