My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
