I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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