Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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