I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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