every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
