A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
