my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
