Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
