before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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