I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
