and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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