I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
