you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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