we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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