Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
