what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
