YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
