i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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