omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
