Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
