I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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