just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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