it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
