We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
