You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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