i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
