hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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