i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The best revenge is premature balding
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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