i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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