goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
