last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
