and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We need a shit load of segways right now
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
