..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How naked do you want me to be?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
