so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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