Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
