so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
True strength comes from lack of pants
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
