I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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