Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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