Cold hands, warm shart.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
