his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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