I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
