Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
