I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
