recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
