Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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