It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
