i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
