his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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