roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
