just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
