I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
