im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
