oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
