I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
