do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had to coat check the pizza.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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