Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
