I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
